I decided to download Tinder (again!) I matched with a nice guy, and by 6 pm I had my first date of 2019 in the diary for the following Saturday! Good work, Charlie Girl. We texted until late New Year's day; I was smiling at my phone, waiting for the 'ping' of a new message with excited and nervous anticipation.
Date night arrived, I received no communication from him but the day before he had said he was looking forward to it. At around 4 pm I posted on my Instagram stories that I was nervous about my first date. By 5:30 pm I posted that he had cancelled. I'm ashamed to say I balled my eyes out (see picture), not because a stranger cancelled a date but because I am just so sick of being let down and could feel the dark side of loneliness creeping in.
I received some lovely messages from friends commiserating my unfortunate luck. However, some were a little off the mark (despite the good intentions) it got me thinking about all the other comments I've had on my relationship status from friends and total strangers. Here's a list of some of the things you SHOULD NOT say to your single friends.
1) "Stop Looking. It happens when you stop searching for love."
- Right, so all the happy couples that met on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, PoF, Christians Mingle, Blind Date, First Dates, Speed Dating or fucking Love Island weren't looking for love? As a single mum, who works from home, with friends who are all married/engaged, how exactly will I ever meet someone when I'm being told not to look? Plus, I have tried not looking and guess what? Didn't.Work.
2) "There's plenty more fish in the sea."
- Firstly, shut the fuck up. At almost 30 years old, the best fish have hooked up. The only ones left are the slippery mother fuckers that will give me ciguatera poisoning. Plus, the sea is a big place, if I'm abiding by point 1, then I have to make do with the fish surrounding my boat tied up in the dock. Idiots.
3) "It's okay to be on your own."
- Yes, I'm fully aware it's okay to be on my own. In fact, in the four years I've been on my own, the world hasn't imploded, I have achieved a degree, travelled to amazing places, given a lecture at a university, started a business, raised two incredible children, lost 20lbs, partied hard and laughed far more than I've cried. I am FULLY aware that being on my own is okay, I have done great things on my own. Perhaps, and more so in the quieter moments, I'd like to share all of that with someone. I can achieve great things on my own WITH someone by my side.
4) "You got to love yourself before you can love someone else."
- Okay, I agree with this one. However, when people say this to me, it makes me so angry! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I DON'T LOVE MYSELF??? Alright, I'll concede that four years ago I did the heartbreak diet (*he'll love me when I'm thin*), I drank and didn't eat - that wasn't a great act of self-love. I used to think that I would be happy when someone loved me but years of growth has seen me through this absurd thought. The point is, a person doesn't get to say that to any single girl on the assumption she can't love herself if she chooses to want a partner.
5) "But you're so pretty and funny, and a great mum! I don't understand why you're still single."
- Thanks, Sandra. Now I'm sat here thinking if it's my chins, height or shitty personality that's setting a force field around me stopping any potential suitors.
6) "Maybe you're too fussy?"
- One of my single gal pal's responded to this fabulously, "there is no such thing as being too damn fussy." One of my problems is that I'm not fussy enough! My 3-month blip dating a 48-year-old alcoholic is a testament to that (that's another blog coming soon.) Being fussy ties in with point 4, I love myself enough not to settle out of fear of being on my own. That doesn't mean I'm only swiping right for Jack Wills models and gym posers, I quite like a chunky yet funky, dad-bod rocking gentleman. Not settling means I'm not going to lower my standards and date a Nazi (see blog) so that I can have someone to kiss on New Year's Eve. Be fussy, not judgemental.
7) "You're doing brilliantly. You've got a great career, focus on that."
- Great advice, Aunt June. Can't have sex with my career though, can I?
Right, that's probably enough tips for all you loved-up bunnies to take on board for now. Next time you're hanging with your single mate and don't know what to say, offer her some fully charged batteries and a bottle of wine. I'm kidding, kind of, just keep being her awesome friends, you're doing a great job.
And to all my single girls, for once I've got nothing inspirational to say...just keep swimming because apparently there's a shit ton of fish somewhere.
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