1) Utter loneliness and mourning my previous life of being in a relationship
2) Filling the void by going on dates with people I knew wouldn't be right for me or after 'one thing'
3) Punishing myself for 'not being right' aka the 'heartbreak diet'
4) Embracing single life, believing that it was all about the freedom to party without guilt
5) Enjoying the quiet time on my own and reconnecting with friends
6) Refocusing attention from finding another half to making myself whole
7) Re-prioritising and realising I hold the keys to my future
8) Choosing to delete dating apps and be on my own; prioritising self-love
9) Embracing my strength, achievements and abilities - realising I AM good enough
Leaving a list on an uneven number is giving me an unsettling feeling...but here's how I got round to stage 10.
So, I had deleted all the dating apps from my phone and I wasn't missing them one bit; I had so much more time and my finger didn't have a weird twitch from over-swiping (IT'S A THING!) I had gone through a lot of self-reflection, I knew I was happy being single and not chasing a relationship, but it wasn't healthy for me to have too much time alone.
My solution? A weekend pub job! I got to work with some lovely friends, meet some eccentric locals and earn some pocket money. I felt like a young, busty, Peggy Mitchell. I even got close to saying 'Get outta my puuuub', except it was the timid version of 'umm, I'm closing now, you've got to go home.'
One day a rather handsome chap walked into the pub and we struck up a friendly barmaid/punter conversation. When I'd finished my shift, he bought me a drink and invited me to join him, an hour later we'd moved to another pub and were getting on famously. He was newly single, I was newly ready-to-not be single.
My 'pub punter' was 19 years my senior and going through a tough break-up, despite having more baggage than Heathrow's lost baggage department, I quickly fell for him and we exclusively dated. Despite his drunken fall-out with two of my closest friends, I stuck by him. I was enjoying being treated well, I was enjoying having someone to fall asleep with in front of the TV. I was enjoying the conversation and support, generally embracing having someone close in my life again. Then, on a separate occasion to his previous misdemeanor, he drunkenly hurled insults at my family - again, I stood by him.
One evening, three months into dating my pub punter, I was spending time with a friend. My 'pub punter' called me 17 times and told me I could spend time with my friends, but he hated them and my family. Suddenly I woke up! WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING?
It's nice having someone to kiss and cuddle; it's nice to have someone to go to dinner with or stay in with; it's nice to have 'a somebody' but to what detriment? I've been loving myself and building myself up for the best part of three years, I don't need to be dragged down for the sake of having company of an evening.
So here I am at Stage 10 - Growing in patience to wait for "Mr. Right" and not settle for "Mr. Right Now."
One last note, Mr. Right isn't to be confused with Mr. Perfect, Mr Perfect doesn't exist.
Seriously, even the men from Disney are far from perfect:
1) Prince Charming wasn't bothered about Snow White looking after seven men with exaggerated characteristics in exchange for pretty rubbish bodyguard services.
2) Aladdin started his relationship with Jasmine on a bed (or magic carpet) of lies; he literally cat fished her.
3) Simba ghosted Nala; seeing as all the animals could communicate he could've sent a carrier pigeon/parrot to let her know he had 'family issues' and was going to be away for a while.
4) Eric doesn't recognise Ariel from the time she saved his life and decides to swerve her for the busty brunette without a speech impediment. Bloody Typical.
5) Prince Henry got a bunch of women in a room to battle for his attention, then he based true love off a snog and what can only be described as a foot fetish.
6) The Beast kidnapped Belle's father, then swapped him for her imprisonment... the choices he made in the past haunt him and he takes it out on those around him. He is definitely hangry and sexually frustrated, but to be fair, he does work through his issues in the end with the love of a good woman.
Anyway, the POINT is, I'm not settling for Mr. Right Now and I'm under no illusion that a Mr. Perfect exists. I am happy to wait for Mr. Right For Me.... Maybe there's a Beast out there that needs a little taming? Just with slightly less hair and none of the anger issues....
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