Waiting for Mr. Right, not settling for Mr. Right Now

I've been single for three years, during that time I've gone through the following stages:

1) Utter loneliness and mourning my previous life of being in a relationship

2) Filling the void by going on dates with people I knew wouldn't be right for me or after 'one thing'

3) Punishing myself for 'not being right' aka the 'heartbreak diet' 

4) Embracing single life, believing that it was all about the freedom to party without guilt

5) Enjoying the quiet time on my own and reconnecting with friends

6) Refocusing attention from finding another half to making myself whole

7) Re-prioritising and realising I hold the keys to my future

8) Choosing to delete dating apps and be on my own; prioritising self-love 

9) Embracing my strength, achievements and abilities - realising I AM good enough

Leaving a list on an uneven number is giving me an unsettling feeling...but here's how I got round to stage 10.

So, I had deleted all the dating apps from my phone and I wasn't missing them one bit; I had so much more time and my finger didn't have a weird twitch from over-swiping (IT'S A THING!) I had gone through a lot of self-reflection, I knew I was happy being single and not chasing a relationship, but it wasn't healthy for me to have too much time alone. 

My solution? A weekend pub job! I got to work with some lovely friends, meet some eccentric locals and earn some pocket money. I felt like a young, busty, Peggy Mitchell. I even got close to saying 'Get outta my puuuub', except it was the timid version of 'umm, I'm closing now, you've got to go home.' 

One day a rather handsome chap walked into the pub and we struck up a friendly barmaid/punter conversation. When I'd finished my shift, he bought me a drink and invited me to join him, an hour later we'd moved to another pub and were getting on famously. He was newly single, I was newly ready-to-not be single. 

My 'pub punter' was 19 years my senior and going through a tough break-up, despite having more baggage than Heathrow's lost baggage department, I quickly fell for him and we exclusively dated. Despite his drunken fall-out with two of my closest friends, I stuck by him. I was enjoying being treated well, I was enjoying having someone to fall asleep with in front of the TV.  I was enjoying the conversation and support, generally embracing having someone close in my life again. Then, on a separate occasion to his previous misdemeanor, he drunkenly hurled insults at my family - again, I stood by him. 

One evening, three months into dating my pub punter, I was spending time with a friend. My 'pub punter' called me 17 times and told me I could spend time with my friends, but he hated them and my family. Suddenly I woke up! WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING? 

It's nice having someone to kiss and cuddle; it's nice to have someone to go to dinner with or stay in with; it's nice to have 'a somebody' but to what detriment? I've been loving myself and building myself up for the best part of three years, I don't need to be dragged down for the sake of having company of an evening. 

So here I am at Stage 10 -  Growing in patience to wait for "Mr. Right" and not settle for "Mr. Right Now."

One last note, Mr. Right isn't to be confused with Mr. Perfect, Mr Perfect doesn't exist. 

Seriously, even the men from Disney are far from perfect:

1) Prince Charming wasn't bothered about Snow White looking after seven men with exaggerated characteristics in exchange for pretty rubbish bodyguard services. 

2) Aladdin started his relationship with Jasmine on a bed (or magic carpet) of lies; he literally cat fished her.  

3) Simba ghosted Nala; seeing as all the animals could communicate he could've sent a carrier pigeon/parrot to let her know he had 'family issues' and was going to be away for a while.

4) Eric doesn't recognise Ariel from the time she saved his life and decides to swerve her for the busty brunette without a speech impediment. Bloody Typical. 

5) Prince Henry got a bunch of women in a room to battle for his attention, then he based true love off a snog and what can only be described as a foot fetish. 

6) The Beast kidnapped Belle's father, then swapped him for her imprisonment... the choices he made in the past haunt him and he takes it out on those around him. He is definitely hangry and sexually frustrated, but to be fair, he does work through his issues in the end with the love of a good woman. 

Anyway, the POINT is, I'm not settling for Mr. Right Now and I'm under no illusion that a Mr. Perfect exists. I am happy to wait for Mr. Right For Me.... Maybe there's a Beast out there that needs a little taming? Just with slightly less hair and none of the anger issues.... 

Dating in MacDonalds - Just looking for a Happy Meal

This is a really hard "Tinder Tale Fail" to write for a number of reasons, the main ones being - A)  It was the first date I genuinely felt scared and intimidated and B) My date serves in the British Army and is more than likely to be suffering from PTSD. Having said that, a lot of his views/actions are his own and can not be blamed on serving in the Army.

With that in mind, please understand that this is just my story of quite a challenging date and that I am being sensitive to what he has gone through as a British Solider.

So, I matched with my date and quickly arranged to meet up, he knew Winchester and said he'd be more than happy to travel to me. I met him at the carpark and walked with him to the main high street... his height and ' aggressive strut' immediately put me on a wary defence.

We were walking and talking, trying to break that initial awkwardness of meeting a stranger when a police car started to (very) slowly drive past us. The police car eventually went on ahead and my date immediately piped up "That happens to me all the time, I think my number plate is tracked or is on some sort of system... I always end up getting followed by the police." Of course this set of internal alarm bells! "Don't worry", he continued, "nothing ever happens...I bought my car from somewhere in London so the previous owner must have been involved in something untoward!"

This actually put my mind to rest, it could have been a genuine explanation... until we got to the second part of the town centre and the police slowly passed us again. I put this down to coincidence.

We walked around for quite some time as every bar/pub we passed he turned down because either 20 something's were in there or it looked like it had a 'student vibe'... "I fucking hate students, they're stuck up because they think they're studying towards a better future... they're just lazy, alcoholics, sucking money from our government." At this point, I reminded him that we were in a student city and that I had not long graduated myself and I was nothing like the students he had described!

We continued through the City and he seemed to be walking towards a specific place, it turned out we were going towards his original regiments museum. My date then went on to talk me through each symbol on the wall outside the closed museum, each war his regiment had fought before him and a bit of the politics behind it. I have always hated history because I'm shite at retaining information, however, listening to his passion and knowledge was fascinating! I became genuinely interested and started to enjoy myself...despite being slightly away from a public area and in the dark!

The evening was looking up and his history lesson was winding to a close until he saw a couple walking through the grounds, they looked youngish and were holding a cigarette each. My date then decided to start marching over in a bid to confront them, mumbling "if they even think about doing drugs or fucking, then I'll fucking kill them" .... he was literally seething having just seen two silhouettes moving through the grounds. I became genuinely scared for the safety of two strangers, I began to calmly talk him down. I reasoned with my date that he couldn't do our country any good from behind bars and that he could be quite possibly jumping to conclusions. Suggesting he could be overreacting was the WRONG MOVE, he glared down at me, fists clenched...I quickly changed tactic... "I'm so cold, could you take me for a drink now? We could always come back and check in on them afterwards?"

Thankfully my date started to thaw and walked me to the pub opposite where we were. All I wanted was a (very) large glass of wine but felt I should keep a clear head, so I ordered a lemonade, to which my date was both shocked and impressed by. We took our soft drinks to a nearby table and I vowed to wipe the slate clean and get to know him away from what he was clearly passionate about, yet emotionally triggered by.

Over the course of one drink, my date claimed to hate every kind of religion that wasn't Christian, was exceptionally racist about every race, other than White British (shock).  And when I mentioned my best friend was a gay man, he physically recoiled and wondered why I "spent time with faggots". At this point, I should have gotten up and left (actually,  I should've left at some time before that) but in all honesty, I was too scared.

My date then started to claim he was hungry, so I made it my own mission to make it back through town, get him food to hopefully calm him down and then get the fuck home! Unfortunately, it was around 10pm at night and we weren't in a Big City that serves food till 3am, so my options for feeding my angry date were limited. We passed a pizza place that said they stopped food at 10:30pm, hopeful, I popped in to ask if their kitchen had closed. A lovely waitress came to greet us, she happened to not be white and all I could hear from my date stood behind me was "oh god, here we go", I cringed and immediately wanted to cry. A second waiter came round the corner to see if we had been looked after, he was black, my date stormed out the building.

As we walked down the high-street a bunch of drunk women were walking up the high-street...my date punched his clenched fist into his open palm and claimed "ahhh fucking students, typically drunk, just start on me! Go on start on me... I'm itching for a fight" - I actually recognised two of the women and they weren't students but that's beside the point.

I suddenly remembered MacDonalds was open and suggested that to my date in order to distract him from wanting a fight; it did the trick. We walked into Maccy D's and my date ordered his food..."joking" that it came to the same price as our drinks and inferred it was my turn to pay (I wasn't eating). As we waited for his food he looked into my eyes, "you know you've got a yellow mark on your eyes, you should have that looked at..." - what more could I expect from a bloke taking me to MacDonalds and not even offering to buy me a fucking nugget.

We sat down with his food and I waited for him to finish... a young lad, obviously, a little high came and sat opposite us to charge his phone. My date saw the bait and started to talk to him "you okay? You feeling a little queer? You're a gay boy, aren't you?" 

I won't go into that exchange any further as it wasn't nice and by now I'm sure you've grasped how uncomfortable my evening was. Once he'd wiped the mayo away from the sides of his mouth he asked if he could walk me back to my car, not before asking if I had smoked because my teeth looked stained (I shit you not). I politely declined, reasoning that I didn't want him getting lost getting back to his own car.

All in all that was the most shocking date I've ever experienced. I was genuinely scared and intimidated; I used every ounce in my body to stay brave and strong. To anyone currently dating online (or otherwise), it may seem dull and impersonal chatting to people online for a little longer but if I had been patient and chatted online with this person, then I may have avoided this date. I count myself lucky that I didn't end up in a far worse place than MacDonalds.

Be careful, friends, loving yourself is far easier than looking for love in the wrong places - I'll find a Happy Meal eventually!

Car Wash Dating

I've not posted in a long, long time but seeing as it's my 3rd-year anniversary of being single I thought it would be an appropriate time to post my latest tinder tale fail.

So, I decided to delete all of my dating apps. I went as far as unmatching with my American Hunk. My thought process was this; if I'm meant to meet someone then I'll meet him, I'll meet him the 'normal way.'

The same morning as I deleted my apps and vowed to be 'open' to meeting a man beyond the virtual way, I was asked out!

Was I asked out in a bar? No. Was I asked out through friends? No. Was I asked out in a coffee shop? No. I was asked out in a car wash. 

Earlier that day I had dropped my car off at a shopping centre car wash because A) my shit heap of a mom wagon needed cleaning and B) I was too lazy to find a car parking space. Fast forward a few hours, I came back to collect my car and a European accent piped up above the vacuum cleaner, "You nice, you go out for drink, yes? We have your number, text you, no?" 

Well, I thought, the first point of failure is judgement...so before I could stop myself I replied: " yeah, sure, why not?"

I got a text later that day from 'the car wash guy' asking me out for a drink.. my new attitude to dating meant I couldn't say no. We arranged to meet up for a drink later that night.

I walked into the bar feeling flustered, I had just showered, applied make-up and dropped the kids off with my parents in the space of 30 mins (guys that claim girls can't get ready quickly have never met a single mum!). Anyway, I entered the bar and looked around for the young, car washing guy I had seen earlier that day...all I saw was his slightly tipsy boss.

This is where accents are a nightmare! When I heard the words "You nice, I take you out for drink, no?" what he said was "you nice, HE take you out for drink, no?"

So, I'm out on a date with a person I didn't think I'd be dating... but I'm going with it. Although I'm dating someone I wasn't expecting, it was going ok!  Until I realised the reason he won't stop staring at my chest is not that I have an ample bosom but because my new top from ASOS has fallen open and I'm literally exposing myself!

I gather myself and my tits back together and try to continue the date with a level of decorum, by which point my date is pissed. He keeps looking at me as if I'm meat and says "you're such a naughty girl, you make my mind blow." Despite the fact he lives a 30 min car drive away he's decided to get drunk..... he then assumes I'm staying in a hotel room with him because "I'm a naughty girl"

At this point, it's around 8pm and I know my parents are in town with my children, so I go in for the SOS call. There's nothing more savage than a shitty date then your kids picking you from one!! As I tried to leave the date my Albanian car wash man took me by the waist and before I could note what was happening, he planted the wettest kiss on my face. Note, not lips, FACE, As I pulled myself away and politely excused myself from the pub ( I literally backed out as if I'd just been knighted by the Queen) I realised my life was at a new low... my 11 year old and 9 year old kids were picking me up from a Tinder Fail. F.M.L.

If you ever thought your dating life was shit....just imagine that car journey home!

SO, What have I learnt? Don't assume the grass is greener outside an app! Don't assume 'real world' dating is easier than virtual. Don't buy a 'flattering' top from ASOS, you will give your date the impression you're a prostitute. Car wash guys only want to wipe one thing!!

It looks as though I'm back with the Tinder Tales - God help us all!