For some people they can meet, date, connect and end up with a full on committed broadband plan - like my newly engaged little sister. Others think they've got an awesome deal until the connection keeps dropping, the refresh button no longer works, the service provider doesn't give a fuck and eventually leaves one to seriously consider investing in a dongle - like me.
Just before Christmas I started to talk to a really sweet young guy, talking was fine...I liked having a pen pal. [ Guys, don't chase a girl that calls you 'a really sweet guy' it's girl code for 'ain't happening.'] Anyway, eventually my sweet pen pal started to suggest meeting up... in fact his first suggestion was that I came along to watch his polo lesson. yep.
Eventually I decided to bite the bullet and go on a real life date with him. We arranged to meet me on my lunch break, which I thought would be a good idea - no time for a meal, had a reason to escape and was only going to be a maximum of an hour. Sounds like an ideal set-up for a first date, right? Well here's a tip, don't tell the guys in your office you have a date with a virtual stranger. They will film you greeting your date from the office window whilst narrating the awkward situation as if it were a David Attenborough documentary.
We arrived together at the wine bar over the road from where I work, no sooner were we through the doors did my 'sweet guy' run off to use the bathroom - five minutes or so later he was back and our date could begin. To be fair it wasn't all that bad but I quickly realised we had nothing in common or at least were at different stages of our life's; nothing wrong with that.
One thing that got on my nerves was that my 'sweet guy' was a Vegan Convert, so I'll call him 'Vinny Vegan'. Now before I make any enemies I have no problem with vegans, I found a lot of what Vinny Vegan said very, very interesting (okay maybe only one 'very'). My date was very passionate about veganism, to the point where I felt a little shit for my life choices - at one point he was banging on about the rotting meat in my stomach and I had a little day dream about a nice medium-rare steak (note to self: do not day dream about meat whilst on a date with a vegan).
Anyway, eventually my date moved on from veganism and on to travelling. Everyone on tinder travels. When he had finished telling me all about his recent trip to South America he asked me about my travels... I didn't tell him about my Tinder Trip to New York (or i would've started daydreaming about that too), so I simply said, "I don't travel as I have kids but one day I'll do it all." If there was ever a conversation killer, that was it.
I was a little relieved that we had finished our drinks and had come to a natural end to the date, until he suggested we stayed for one more. I was in shock if I'm honest... I thought we both knew we weren't exactly bouncing off one another. Not wanting to hurt his feelings I agreed to one more QUICK drink. Vinny Vegan ordered us another round and then announced he needed the toilet again, off he went and then arrived the drinks bill. I have no problems buying a date drinks, going dutch on dinner etc, BUT do not order a second round of drinks on a date that you've convinced the other person to stay on and fuck off to the toilet.
I paid the bill and as Vinny Vegan came strolling back to the bar all I wanted to say was 'we must stop MEATING like this. Get it? MEAT, you're a vegan!' Don't worry I held back my witty joke and waited for him to realise I'd paid for the drinks - the date went on, he drank his drink, not a murmur of thanks. Not even, ' Oh SHIT, I haven't paid for the drinks....oh, you got them? Thanks so much' - nothing, nada, zilch.
The end of the drink meant the end of the date but not before he ran off to use the loo for the third time. Seriously kid, whats going on there? Like I said, Vinny Vegan is a 'really sweet guy' but there just wasn't a connection.
I think I've been so worried that I should be dating, when I don't want too. Then I've wanted to date but not wanted to give up on the one person I feel I do have a connection with. Then I realised that I need to give less fucks and go with the flow. So I'm going to date when I want to, fantasise about settling down with my American Hunk when I want to and generally give myself a break when it comes to dating.
One day I'll find a connection with a sexy fibre optic, non vegan, broadband plan - in the meantime does anyone know of any good dongle deals?
What do you think I meant by dongle?? Rude ;)
