Getting something off my chest

This is another blog purely to vent about my personal turmoils of online dating -

When I was a young girl I did ballet classes and had an extremely good posture, my teacher told me that despite my short height I had potential to be a good ballerina. Everything was going well UNTILL puberty hit me like a road block and I developed... new assets.

The trouble with being 4'11 is that everyone noticed how short I was in comparison to everyone else and my new 'assets' were also more noticeable. So as I went on to senior school with my new body and ballerina posture I was faced with a different judgement - instead of being praised for my excellent posture, "shoulders down and back, neck elongated and chin up", I was told:

"STOP STICKING YOUR TITS OUT YOU SLAG",

"Charlie, you're inviting negative attention with your chest",

"Sweetheart, I say this as a loving teacher looking out for you, you shouldn't pronounce your development in to womanhood in front of the young boys" (bearing in mind the school uniform is a buttoned up shirt and jumper)

So I began to roll my shoulders forward, hunch my lower back over and my posture is now horrendous. Don't get me wrong, everyone that knows me knows I love a good V-neck however I have less than 5cm's of "chest" before my cleavage starts; so without wearing a roll neck (which is incredibly unforgiving for my shape) I'll always appear to be 'flashing my assets'.

As I started to go out to pubs and clubs men would assume because I had a larger chest it automatically meant I was "up for it" - on top of that wives and girlfriends automatically didn't like me and my 'blessings' became something very negative.

So at 4'11 with FF's it's literally unavoidable to notice my shape and online dating is an absolute nightmare. I get the obvious type of messages "oi, oi TITS" - cue immediate disgust and blocking. I get the slow build up from some guys who start off nice and then eventually end in "You're beautiful, and might i just add you have wonderful breasts" - cue a sad sigh and blocking.

In some cases, as I experienced tonight, you have the 'nice lawyer from Covent Garden' who acts like a complete gentleman until it gets to arranging the finer details for the first date...

Yes, you read correctly....the guy I was going to meet next Saturday made the assumption he would be staying the night on the first date AND asked if I would give him a lift to a cricket match in another county. Now I'm not saying this is because I'm well blessed in the upper chest region BUT after the comments I usually get it can really get to a girl!

** Disclaimer he already knew I horse ride and so my "riding comment" can not be translated as a naughty innuendo

So this blog doesn't really have a 'point' but maybe a lesson for anyone commenting on a woman's large chest - (most) of us didn't choose this 'blessing', it doesn't automatically make a lady a 'slag' or 'easy'. So boy's on tinder - there's more to a short woman with large over the shoulder bolder holders.

I'll now be focusing on getting back my ballerina posture... and anyone that makes a negative comment about it, I'll be sending you the bill from my chiropractor!

Turning 27 and having no clue

So I know this is my dating blog and it's been very quiet on that front. I wish I could report on a blossoming romance but actually life 'stuff' has been happening and I'm going to blog about that first. Be warned, it's about to get seriously self reflective!

When I was 13, 15, 17, 20 years old I was convinced by 25 I'd be settled down, in love, have a career, or at least regimented on eating three meals a day - remember I was married at 16, a mother by (just) 17 and divorced by 21 but I held out for the BIG OLD AGE OF 25. That annoying landmark your younger self thinks you'll have your shit figured out (disclaimer, so happy for you if you have).

On the 1st June 2016 I turned 27; I'm not in love and still getting over heartbreak, I'm occasionally kicking ass at being a parent, my degree results aren't what I hoped for, my career isn't going the way I had focused it to, and I'm still forgetting to eat breakfast, gorge at lunch and am not hungry for dinner!

The day before my 27th birthday my ex-boyfriend blocked me on Facebook and announced his new relationship (another disclaimer - we were actually in the friend-zone, totally happy for him, feel the blocking was a little unwarranted but each to their own; I'm taking the route of blogging about it!) Although I'm happy for him and I'll be brutally honest, I'm annoyed he got there first! I said the thing no ex says out loud - I want to be in the honeymoon period and telling all my friends too. So with that, I'll close that topic.

On my actual birthday the guy I'd been seeing (which helped me get over the above topic) essentially blew the whistle on our game. We were no where near being "boyfriend and girlfriend" but he was companionship and stomach flutters, he thought my birthday was the best time to delete me from Facebook and cancel seeing me - another one bites the dust.

So I'm newly 27, I'm nowhere near love, still working on my career, I didn't spend any time with my kids this evening as I was fretting about work, put the children to bed late, shouted at the dogs for wanting attention and I totally forgot to eat dinner.

So why do I write this blog with a smile on my face?

After an evening of best friend chats and quiet self-reflection, I realise this:

I'm 27 and have life experience (even if that experience resulted in ALOT of heartbreak)

I'm 27 and I have beautiful kids that really don't care how old I am or what I'm doing, they feel loved.

I'm 27 and I have met the most amazing people that I will forever have in my network; and therefore career

I'm 27 and in the face of shit, I am brave

I'm 27 and I have support and love to get me through to the next stage

I'm 27 and I have career experience and from that friendship with the nicest people

I'm 27 and it really doesn't matter what age I am - I'm going through life, just like everyone else at what ever age they are.

So the point of this is - life doesn't begin at 25, 30, 40, 50 or 60 etc. (sorry to break it to you) life is happening right NOW. Although at some point we'll probably forget, in a moment of self-indulgence and pity, we should always acknowledge where our door's have closed but put focus on where they opened or could open.

I still have no idea what I'm doing but I'm 27 and I'm holding tight to the key that will unlock doors to my future..... I just need to figure out this three meals a day thing.