Date #3 - forget Mr. Darcy meet Mr. Lainston

Date number 3 (known as Mr. Lainston) was neither a disaster nor was there a fireworks display, but in my opinion that's a successful date!

Mr. Lainston suggested a first date at a beautiful hotel in my local area, the setting was something out of Downton Abbey. Although i was excited about the venue I'm a modern day girl and expect to pay half for drinks or dinner (but kinda hope he pays) however when he set the expensive venue I seriously hoped he wouldn't make me pay half....at the end of the date I went for the handbag reach, fully knowing i couldn't afford it, and thankfully he declined my offer. But let's not jump to the end....

As I drove up the long drive to the beautiful hotel I played Celine Dion over the radio and allowed my imagination to play away. I pictured Mr.Darcy waiting to greet me by the manor house doors, he would take my arm and glide me towards the garden terrace for champagne and strawberries.  In my mind I was Elizabeth Bennet not Bridget Jones, I would have the same spark and wit as Jane Austen's protagonist; but I would not have any prejudice.

Despite trying to channel the classy Miss. Bennet character I floundered in the first 10 minutes. Instead of being a Jane Austen character I was more like Bridget Jones....Mr. Lainston casually asked me when I'd last visited the hotel, my filter must have deleted itself....

"Well, Mr. Lainston, the last time I was here was my wedding night...which was in 2006, basically a lifetime ago... i barely recognise this place..."

I believe in honesty but my goodness I wish I had lied, the poor man couldn't hide his stutter.

After my unnecessary revelation, we fell in to a comfortable discussion surrounding work and personal progression. We had a lot in common despite a nine year age gap and there was no awkward silences, although it was obvious we were both thinking ahead on what to say next.

After a while we got on to why we were single and why he didn't have children. He described how his ex wife had children who were around 8 years and 10 years old (roughly the same as mine) and how his ex wasn't prepared to "go through it" again after a decade. At this point I fell in to my Bridget Jones character and started to sympathise with my dates ex wife.... I agreed with her worries and felt her pain (despite her being over 10 years older than me.)  Word to the wise... things aren't going well when you have more in common with your dates ex, than you have with your date.

That being said, Mr. Lainston must have liked my Bridget Jones personality more than my desired Miss.Bennet as the second date has already been booked.

I guess Mr. Lainston came without prejudice....but I hope he came with some pride.

Lies and Deceit: Meeting Ms. Awkward Al

A while ago I wrote out about my first Tinder date - Meeting Awkward Al - despite the awkward mishaps and his cheating confessions, he was a very sweet guy. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a twinge of disappointment when he admitted he wasn't quite ready to move on from his previous relationship. Notice his choice of words, "move on" insinuating that the relationship was in the past, that and the fact he was on tinder.

"Awkward Al" shall be renamed "Ass-wipe Al" because "Ass-wipe Al" can't move on from a relationship that he's still in.

How do I know this? Because three months after our date "Ass-wipe Al's" girlfriend, the woman that bore his three children, rang me from his number and delivered the Spanish inquisition.

Sadly I've been this girl before, heart-broken and angry, taking out my hurt and confusion on 'the other woman.' I've gone through my ex's texts and call lists so I could piece together the affair and labelled the girl involved as an utter slut. Obviously in this instance nothing physical happened but Ms. Awkward Al had been betrayed. And somehow I ended up shaking, crying and defending myself during this shocking phone revelation.

Why do woman automatically go for the 'other woman's' jugular? I know there's a girl code/general respect for others however a girl isn't a slut for dating (what she's told is) a single guy. The lies from "Ass-wipe Al" is the only reason this woman has been hurt. The deceit from "Ass-wipe Al" is the only reason I ended up on a date with him.

So far all I've gotten out of Tinder is a growing list of things that I require in a man;

1. Must live in the same country 
2. Must have own teeth and hair
3. Must be employed
4. Must. Be. Single. 

I'm probably being a little too fussy but that drama is one I'd like to avoid happening again. 

Any more "Ass-wipe Als" need not apply.

A Tinder Revelation - Yummy Yank's and Tinder Sims

So i've already posted about "that guy who's only in town for a few days" and how they're only after one thing.... but there's always one exception to the rule!! It's wise to stay clear of these tinder players, however about 8 weeks ago I "matched" with someone "down the road" from me. It turned out they worked on a ship and were only docked in my local area for the day, but by the time this essential information was established I'd already decided I wanted to get to know him.

What a fatal mistake that was.

By the time my "Yummy Yank" was half way across european sea's my heart was jumping every time my phone "pinged" with a new message. This is a recipe for disaster... when there is land and sea between a guy and a gal this means there is room for fantasy. This is possibly why "sexting" (and the like) happens, because it's so easy to forget you're speaking to a real life human, much the same for any online interaction. Interacting online causes a delayed reaction, time to think about your response to a question or to a witty remark. It gives you time to be the best version of yourself. This is what I did with my american hunk... I'd like to think I was witty and loveable, he was talented and interesting. Yummy Yank quickly became (for lack of a better term) my favourite PenPal.

Over time we got to know one another, days and time differences went by, (PG) photos were exchanged, phone calls, Facebook adds, voice notes and "if only's" happened; however one huge problem remained, I'd never actually met him.

The problem with a virtual attraction is that it can quickly become part of a daily routine:

"Morning babe", "Did you sleep well?", "How are you?" , "I had a busy day, how was yours?" 

The real sucker is that you can become attached and actually start missing a person you've never met. When normal life takes hold and you realise it's not a normal relationship, you can almost get withdrawals, even become loyal. Suddenly the messages become few and far between, a gap that you didn't realise was filled becomes empty. This is the problem I've discovered with online dating, with online life in general, online life is so far removed from real life (ground breaking, I know).

You can be talking with a lovely person all day, loose time to your messaging device, and go to sleep with a smile on your face because of something cute a "Yummy Yank" has sent you... but it's still lonely.

What i've noticed (and guilty of) is that when talking to someone online you can build a perfect image and personality of a person in your head - much the same as a sims character! (Which 90's kid built their "perfect" partner on sims!?) The Sims concept happens in tinder/online dating and then you meet that perfectly normal, flawed human being, and they don't meet your perfect assumption. And thats it... you're back to swiping left or right, alone.

Without land and sea would my Yummy Yank still be my perfect Sim's character? I'd like to think so. But whilst I'm anchored to my own shores I realise, whether I'm online or offline,  I'm no where near a perfect sim's character myself so neither should my Yummy Yank; or any other poor unsuspecting character.

Let's remember, the online world is warped but a true partner will want you flaws and all.

Date #2 - there's some things you should never say...

So date number two happened and I'll begin this blog post with a few tips:

1. In your nervous state, DON'T rush to the toilet for a last minute number 1. There is a chance you will forget to check your flies and spend the first 20 minutes of your date flying low...this includes the first introduction where you check each other out. (Yes this happened. Yes it was me flying low.)
   
2. Telling stories about someone going to jail for putting a beer bottle up a sleeping mans back entrance is possibly not the best story to tell on a first date....
   
3. When discussing names for future children remember your dates name, claiming you don't like names beginning with their initial is never a good start...
   
4. Discussing future children's names is possibly too keen.
   
5. Do not choose a restaurant full of screaming kids.
   
6. Try and remember that you don't have to say everything that goes through your mind...mentioning how worried you were that said date would rape or murder you doesn't go down too well.
   
7. Do NOT point out that the women drugged up to her eyeballs and shouting in the street is in fact your neighbour, and then try and claim you live in a nice area.
   
8. Don't take the second date to the same pub as the first date....the staff may start talking.
   
9. When saying goodbye DON'T ask for gum, they could get the wrong idea on how well the date went.

Date number two was sweet, he had his own hair and teeth (what more could a girl want?) He travelled considerable distance to meet me and was very polite when I was late (see tip 1) He's in the navy (hence the story from tip 2) and although there was a few moments of "shit, he hasn't asked me a question...and i've run out of them!"...we chatted for the entire 4.5 hour date (well he had travelled a long way) !!!

When I arrived home I (almost ironically) came across a short film about how a young man challenged himself to try and find his next date "offline" - it's a brilliant film and made me think ALOT (give it a watch). 

Could this spell the end of my tinder dating blogs? Should I try this weird, alien concept of meeting someone offline? 

Well sailor boy was nice, and like i said he has his own hair and teeth...so we'll see, watch this space.