I woke up Sunday morning to a match and a message (on Tinder.)
"Charlie you absolute sort"
Not exactly a Shakespeare sonnet but it made me smile.
This Tinder match claimed to be looking for a soul mate and asked me when I was next free, I threw caution to the wind, "I'm free in a couple hours if you are?"
We met half-way between our home cities at a river-side pub. The South of England was experiencing a heat wave, so we sat in the sun and watched the light play on the water. It was a pretty perfect setting.
The conversation was good, it moved along from topic to topic, serious to lighthearted. It was going so well that I almost became giddy, although that could've been a mixture of the white wine spritzer and blazing sunshine.
The date ended with quite a hot and sweaty snog (again, this was probably down to the spritzer and heat than any chemistry.) I drove away feeling a mixture of emotions but was relieved that I had finally experienced a first date that could definitely go on to a second date!
So the above was the date in a nutshell - here's what happened after/during.
I'm so used to awkward dates, uninvited sexual advances and/or my own gut instinct telling me it's not right that I missed a few "red flags".
1) He insisted that he always kisses on the first date. I told him that wasn't something I ever go on a 1st date planning to do. I've kissed on a 1st date before but it's not a habit I've ever wanted to get into, plus planning a kiss is weird. When it came to the end of the date I knew that's what he wanted/was planning and I felt pressured to kiss him. No women (or man) should ever feel pressured to do anything they don't want to do, especially on a date.
2) He bad mouthed his ex A LOT and I'm not a fan of ex-bashing! Yes, in the past I've bitched and moaned about my exes but to trusted friends NOT strangers on a date. Plus, using the C word to describe the mother of your child isn't very kind.
3) He was very recently single, hence the ex-bashing and why I sort of understood. However, to generalise, people aren't usually looking for a "soul mate" 3 months after splitting up with your child's mother. A shag? Yes. A soul mate? No.
Why did I still go ahead and agree to a second date? Because I ignored what I hadn't acknowledged as red flags. I was flattered at the attention and so very relieved not to have had another god awful date.
Despite agreeing to the second date it never happened.
Two days after our date I received a message...
"Got to be honest, I'd love those boobs in my face. Can we arrange for this week?"
For Fuck Sake, I thought. So, my reply was blunt and to the point.
"I see. So do you want to arrange a 'hook up' for this week or a second date?"
He assured me he wanted a second date but when it came to the day, I messaged him to see what time we were meeting and he responded to say he was now looking after his child. That's totally fine but it would've been nice if he had cancelled rather than wait for me to chase.
Perhaps some people reading this blog will have the opinion that I'm fussy, a prude or high maintenance. My response: that's totally fine. Long ago, I made the decision to hold my own value in the highest regard, not the opinions of others. I made the choice to date but to be on guard for 'Fuck Boys', I've gotten it wrong with a few 'Fuck Boys in Good Boy clothing' but I won't make excuses for guys that text things like:
"Hey, you got the hangover horn yet? Our second date could be coffee at yours before we '... ya'know'. It's my mothers birthday today but I could squeeze you in this morning? "
Another one bites the dust and my hope there's anyone left on the shelf has rather diminished. Although I was right to ditch the date, I can't help but feel like the squeaky penguin in ToyStory. The one left on the shelf so long that it's gathering dust? Yeah, you can call me "Wheezy"!
Regardless of my 'Wheezy on the shelf' status, my self-respect, strength and happiness is only growing - to be honest, I'd say I'm winning!
