Recently I decided to delve back into the world of dating,
one date in and several horrendous ‘matches’ later, I’m wondering what on earth
possessed me. Well, I know what prompted me to give dating another go and the
truth is I’m lonely.
I’m working hard at my career, loving time with my children,
appreciating time with my family and friends BUT the companionship, closeness
and everything else a relationship brings is something I miss. Sometimes the
hardest part is being honest as to why we’re putting ourselves through modern day
dating. It’s made even harder when those already in relationships assure me
that ‘you’re fine on your own’, ‘You can use this time to be selfish and work
on yourself’ or ‘He’s right around
the corner, stop looking and you’ll find him’ – that last one is my
favourite…. Between a full time job and full-time mummy position I only have 4
nights a month to meet someone ‘the normal way’. To be quite frank I don’t fancy
hanging out in a bar in case my ‘knight in shining armour’ strolls by, nor am I up for joining a weekend dance group on the off chance a eligible bachelor in his 30's joins me in a ‘step-ball change’.
I tell a lie, I joined an adult kick-boxing class in a bid
to ‘work on myself’ whilst putting myself into a new social setting that could
mean an opportunity to meet single men…. turns out my class considers ‘adults’
as 12 years and up; sparring with adolescent boys is not the ideal dating
situation.
Anyway, I’ve been looking for silver linings recently and
the silver lining to my dating woes is that TINDER TALES IS BACK (for
now). I’ll begin with a couple of my
matches….
‘Cross Chris’
This match was quick off the mark with the ‘warning signs’.
Cross Chris opened up our chat by telling me his work place had ‘dress down
Fridays’ – when a guy starts talking about clothes, or by the nature of this
day the potential lack of clothes, my internal warning bells go off sharpish.
You may be thinking that I was over-reacting, surely ‘dress-down Fridays’ just
means casual wear? And you’re right, thankfully I did not receive any pictures
of a naked man, a possible interpretation of ‘dress down’.
Instead Cross Chris provided me photo evidence of his choose
of ‘dress down’ uniform…. He decided to go into work with a skirt on, not a
kilt or a ‘just for fun’ tutu, a denim skirt and black stockings (footwear info
was not divulged). My dating alarm bells
rung’eth once more BUT I thought to myself ‘don’t
judge, he could be a hoot, he could have just lost a bet’.
A couple of days later Cross Chris decides to tell me he
once went on a night out dressed as a woman and proceeded to provide me with yet
more photo evidence – it is at that point I made a vow to myself that I never
thought I’d have to make, ‘I shall never date a man who makes a prettier woman
than myself’.
Cross Chris must have taken my radio silence as a sign that
his cross-dressing wasn’t something that turned me on, so he sent me as picture
of himself in jeans. Upon closer inspection of the photograph I could see
through a hole on his jeans and on his feet that he is was in fact still
wearing black stockings.
Sorry Cross Dressing Chris – I’ve not got enough stockings
for the both of us.
Other Matches include: Dry Demi and Crude Craig. I'll just leave a couple screenshots below and you'll get the idea...
And finally, my first
date back on the scene – Popeye Pete.
I’ll keep this one short because the chap was lovely however
he ended the date in the most bizarre way. Popeye Pete finished the date in a
way some men approach women… he asked me the following, “Can I pick you up?”
Me: ummmm excuse me?
PP: I just want to see if I can pick you up!
Yes, he literally
wants to LIFT me up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET.
Me: OH.. OH, I’m heavier than I look… and I look pretty
heavy. You don’t want to hurt yourself
*Bad move Charlie, that’s a red flag to a man’s ego. ‘He
man, He lift woman’*
Don’t ask me why but I relented and allowed this man to lift
me up.
PP: SEE, you’re not
heavy at all *said slightly strained and with flushed cheeks.
So the first few matches and first date that have brought me
back to Tinder Tales have left me feeling heavy yet deflated but I’m going to keep
trying. There will be a perfectly imperfect person out there for me - my very own Popeye who will lift my spirits, lift my laughter, lift my confidence in love but most definitely not lift me up outside an estate agents.... 'I yam what I yam'
