It all started the usual way... matching with a good looking chap on Tinder. Straight away we hit it off, I was hugely rebounding from my "Dolphin Rescuer" so I guess I came across as aloof, casual and sexy (this is what I'm telling myself). I can really get along with just about anyone when my level of sarcasm and weird sense of humour communicates well over technology, and with this particular tinder tale we seemed to match well.
I do love a proactive "dater" - we matched on the Saturday, swapped numbers by the Sunday and had our first date planned for the Wednesday! A whirlwind of communication and anticipation of meeting a stranger was exciting - it was enough time to establish that we had enough in common to get along in person; feel we had got to know each other enough, without entering the "safe-zone" of mundane chat, and in my mind the chances of him being a mass murderer weren't as high a when we had first started talking.
So I arrived at the pub I choose for every first date (I'm pretty sure the bar staff think I'm a "lady of the night") and had enough time to climb on to the bar stool (I'm 4'11, I can't elegantly perch) and adopt a "casual" position. My date arrived and thankfully he wasn't wielding a knife and looked a lot like his photos.
Before I go on I guess I should give my date a nickname, as is tradition for my Tinder Tales. I've struggled with this nickname, as the most obvious ones could give away his identity, but I shall knight my (unworthy) suitor, "Charlie Chaplin". Why? Purely because he presented himself as an absolute gentleman but that turned out to be the biggest joke (plus it's a hidden joke for my boss & colleague if they read this).
So, I sat down for drinks with Charlie Chaplin and instead of first date awkward silences or "20 question" type conversation we HIT IT OFF, I didn't check my phone untill it was way beyond my babysitters "knock off" time (thanks mum).
As i shuffled out the pub in my very worn down and ill fitting heels my chivalrous Charlie Chaplin offered to walk me to my car. As much as I was grateful for this lovely offer I was quite looking forward to whipping my heels off and walking bare foot back to my car, using that time to decide if I "liked" him enough for a second date.
As we got to my car, parked in a loading bay behind Debenhams, I turned to thank him for the drink and a nice evening (which it had been) I went in for a one armed hug and a kiss on the cheek, before I knew it Mr. Chaplin abruptly turned his head and went in for a full on kiss....which turned in to a snog.
As the wind swept my hair back I readjusted my footing in my agonising heels, I dared to lift my arms up to Charlie Chaplins shoulder.....all I could think was, "what IS that smell?" - turns out we were making out next to the near by hotel's bins. Forgetting the smell I started to let my heart get excited and began to kiss him back just as he was pulling away, cue me awkwardly kissing the air between our mouths. I fill the silence and smelly air with "well, that was nice"..... and fell down the curb in to my car, cursing my heels (which are now in the bin).
Before the kiss I wasn't blown away by Charlie Chaplin but afterwards I was convinced this guy was "IT" .... despite the bin smell.
A couple weeks later I invited him to my house for dinner, I had even bribed my son to stay in his room with a new playstation! This may seem extreme but a small child walking in to a dinner or intimate moment on the sofa is more of a mood killer than a smelly bin. My cooking was average, the wine he brought was okay, the conversation was lovely, and the kissing was MUCH better than the first date.
Sadly I never heard from Charlie Chaplin after our second date... actually I did but I could tell it was only to "phase me out". Although the first date was lovely and the kiss was unexpected, a true gentlemen would've been upfront instead of "phasing me out".
We've all got to kiss some frogs before we find the right one but in this case I wish I'D NEVER BEEN KISSED - purely because I had to keep my promise and buy my son a playstation - most expensive failed relationship EVER.
